Disable the System

In case you don't know, disability payments have become the new welfare. The standards to qualify for Social Security Disability Insurance are so broad that the only real deficiency needed is shamelessness.

While reasonable people define "disabled" as the inability to work, the Social Security Administration defines an individual as disabled if they are unable to do work they once did -- i.e., the work of their choice. So a flight attendant who claims to have developed a fear of flying (anxiety disorders are included in SSDI's list of medical conditions) can qualify as disabled and live the rest of her life off taxpayers, even though she is perfectly able to do other work.

One of my neighbors chose to quit her job last year and take advantage of this system. Although completely able-bodied and of Mensa-level intelligence, she draws a disability check on the claim that she sometimes gets confused. When I saw her leaving the building this morning before sun-up and asked where she was headed so early, she said she was going to the Metro stop to hand out literature for the Obama campaign. She could just as easily have been going off to a job, but she chooses to let the rest of us support her -- giving her the time to work to elect someone who will ensure that her checks keeps coming.

So here's what I propose: If Obama is elected, those of us who didn't vote for him should quit our jobs and go on disability. Our fellow citizens so enamored of Socialism surely won't object. Don't worry about your health insurance; as a disabled person, you also qualify for Medicaid.

To pick your disability, check out the list of qualifying conditions. http://www.ssa.gov/disability/professionals/bluebook/AdultListings.htm
Dermatitis -- a/k/a dishpan hands -- should be easy enough to develop. But to spare yourself even that mild discomfort, choose one of the mental conditions. My favorite is the disorder defined as "oddities of thought, perception, speech, or behavior." Who knew there was money in being offbeat?

The Obama voters say it's time for a change? Let's give them one: They can support us...for a change.